Monday, August 31, 2009

(thanks one way or another

A sentence enclosed by only an opening parentheses denotes a secret which was not kept.

Babel poetry has really been doing it for me lately. Check out Marshall's blog for more info on his invention.

The following poem doesn't strictly adhere to the tenants of Babel poetry originally laid down by its founder, but like I said, its been almost three years. Also, way to go Google Translator - I had to switch to Yahoo! Babel Fish because Google Translator was too good and wasn't providing enough hilarity. Thanks Yahoo for still suckin'.

(thanks one way or another

Be visible with realness, with realness good ironical this accurately, all ppl where there is a result which is identical
Appear real, really good ironic this it is precisely
Your watching genuine area, genuine area good
You look truly, good satirizes this is correctly truly
YOU look at the effective good, truly ironic
Too badly pulls it, I didn' t knows that! Your eye constitution is very pretty!
It is thick the mark badly pulls it, I didn' t intellectual road that! Your Mark the eye eyeball constructs forming right very pretty mark!
Leaving medical raw harmony
Possession side effect right homology. Your Righteousness is true.
This Resident in one direction right one type elephant acutane.
Your eye make-up is pure beautiful!
I purely helped me.
I purely is escape yet respectively, means that work will break you as ever with, a but on the front of opposition, purely there is different his thing!
your oogmake-up is so pretty!
I scrutinize for 3 cycles
All side effects are the same. You are correct.
That which writes in the knob where he [sopreden] persona it is important:
Drinks permits juicily!! The hydration is the main key!!
Drinks permits Multi waters!! Right principal key spoon for water joint work!!
PARTS OF DRINKS OF WATER!! The hydration is the main key!!
Part!! of scandal beverage Receiving is an important key!!
Part!! the beverage of scandal to obtain important key!!
MANY THE DRINKS WATER! ! The hydratie is the most important key!

1. So u has or has does the skin, and the ur sisters have or have the greasy skin, and u has the golden hair and ur sis has the strange brown hair, still completely extremely resembled u the girl (has not likely greasy either does skin to make one look like different or anything),

2. So The u possession or possession dried characteristic skin skin, and the ur elder sister younger sister possession or possession oil greasy the mark skin skin, and u possession gold sends harmony ur sis possession old mysterious the brown color hair, the still way complete extremely phase elephant u woman child (non- elephant possession oil greasy either dried characteristic skin skin use human watching happening coming different or east duty no west)

3. thus u it has or had the dry skin and ur the brother she has or she had the oily skin and u they have the blonds hair and ur the $sis she has brown hair strange and however the girls u globally similarly (no as the possession the oily or dry skin makes the persons appears different or nothing)

4. where There is a dry skin and or consequently is u and blonds heads and a brown head which is strange the sibling who is to UR she or she is a oily skin and to u them there are UR $sis her there is and the young girl u similar but world-wide, when (the possession makes the meteor dry skin person, is different, or, anything does not appear),

5. where the dry skin and/or or consequently u and the head of blonds and brown head which is strange offset which to UR it or it oily skin and to u they there UR of $sis it there and small girl u similar but possession makes with meteor persona of dry skin, friend, or, that -[nibyd] it does not appear), it world, when

6. thus you have or had dry the skin and ur with the sister or had the skin oily and fair its to have and ur has to you located the bizar brown its and yet completely similar umeisjes (if it to have or dryness of the oily skin makes different people look at or n' import what),

thanks in any event
regardless of how the impression, thanks
in any event thanks
thanks anyway
(thanks one way or another
in any case the thanks

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Your Dream Car Away!


You and me on photo
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Photos of me and you
$ 25.00 Baby Photo Contest
Press 0 to believe that your website will cost RMB click starts sending of!
Dan Brown signs, Save 40% loss in
Copy of
Social Welfare Committee: the last 10 days the money to win! Zigi oak top, $ 59.95 to buy
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Find nearby universities
To get more degree faster than you think if
Workplaces and schools balance Keller
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Fast adjust based decision-making process of life
When postcards free, paid, shipping and handling
In all universities, financial aid programs, to connect with free information recovery
Forgot dating, real estate, to satisfy yourself?
But this is not a life for your family.
How can I help you with your account?
Best Art


Jae S. pieces we you and
$ 2,500.00 Photo Competition Baby large
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This statement copies
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Hazime Hiroshi art you find a neighborhood school
Hi Do you want elephant money and update degree you earn
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Your dream car away
Subscription decided to transgenic risk quickly Hisashi
Akinobu access fees isolated fragments, with freight sum renewals are you our hands
Messengs obtain detailed fee isolation, high school connectivity options over financial government aid communication
Forget online dating to meet real singles come!
Eternal non for you Sino insurance is protection, and Kenin it for you.
Help Yoshichika your bill demand?
Kei Art top


If you feel like this blog post needs explanation, feel free to ask me in the comment thread. Otherwise, let it touch your heart in whatever way seems right.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Skip to the End for Links to Pictures of Phallic Structures

1. This coffee tastes so damn good. Like sinnamon. It's so good it's sinnnnful. Hm. Good joke.
2. I was in North Carolina all last week.
3. I woke up this morning and there was a mime directing foot traffic at the corner of Huron and Michigan.
4. This city becomes such a dumb and silly circus during the Heritage festival. For some reason I can't ever take Ypsi seriously.
5. And there's no parking on my street.
6. The coffee we had in North Carolina was pretty good, but nothing is topping this right now. Unless I had a cigarette. But I don't smoke anymore. Except for sometimes.
7. There's this car-crushing event going on in depot town. Donate a car, and then WATCH IT DIE! Stick around for the Young Children event.
8. I cleared out my overflowing Spam box without thinking today. What a disappointment - it was ripe for a poem. Now I'll have to wait for next week's harvest.
9. I bought little tiny baby red fruits from the co-op today. I got them because they were cute. They were also relatively inexpensive.
10. I haven't had a beer in a week. A beer sounds really delicious.
11. Between the last point and this point, I checked out a couple blogs, and sneezed twice. Before I write the next point, I'm going to get up and blow my nose.
12. Between the last point and this point, I blew my nose, as promised - but. I also greeted Marshall, asked him if he was sticking around for awhile, he said yes. But he also couldn't hear me the first time I asked. This keeps happening. Have I been talking quieter the past few days?
13. A mystery, for sure.
14. ...
16. Between that last point and this one, I asked Marshall why I got almost 800 hits on my blog last week, mostly from countries in Eastern Asia and the South Pacific.
17. Midway through typing up that last point and this one, we discussed starting an affirmative action program to have white people mug other white people who are thinking that a black person is about to mug them.
18. I'm almost out of coffee.
19. I got 336 hits on Tuesday alone.
20. And they all were from a Google image search (don't know the search term), that linked to my entry about shapes. Which I wrote in June.
21. Did that side of the world all of a sudden decide they were interested in Shapes?
22. I know I've always been interested in shapes.
24. Between that last point and this point I decided not to put the last "t" on parakeet.
25. t
26. I made up for it in number 25.
27. While I was in North Carolina, I climbed a mountain in order to stand atop a huge phallus.
28. "They" "call" "it" "Chimney Rock."
29. I would call it Cock Rock.
30. It weirded me out that the park didn't try and capitalize on this in some kitschy way. Even the already kitschy tourist shops didn't sell "Climb Atop Chimney Rock - Giggle Giggle Snort" t-shirts. I wondered if there was something wrong with me and I was like that kid in that one movie who saw penises everywhere. But then my boyfriend's mom agreed with me.
32. It didn't bother me that this thing existed and was a tourist attraction - it just bothered me that nobody was pointing at it in wonder and excitement. I live in a town with a huge stone penis as a landmark, and trust me we're anything but classy about it. Why? Because it's a huge stone penis. That's why.
33. Phallus Shapes.
34. Reason for point 33: To continue cropping up in the search results for all the people in Australia, New Zealand and the Republic of Korea who are anxiously googling the word "shapes." And maybe get some porn-hungry people, too.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Watching People Watching People Pop Pimples

try watching this high// omg holy shit
if that lady does not shut up
you know that shit is just disgusting!
use any kind of antibiotics in this case....don't eat chicken, burger
or any kinds of food with oil and well (posively early) don't smoke.
You are right, Katy. Mostly Brits use the word spelt. I hate when people come on YouTube
and think they're the 'shit' and they don't know shit themself.
I love this :) Ahhhaaa i have a headache..
or Duac gel.
It's an antibiotic and acidic gel
prognathous peter piper prudently picked a poorly prepared putrid pack
of pukey poison pickled peppered puss packed pimples
ha i got i pete piper picked a pack of pikeled peppers peter piper picked
thats what the lady is saying listen carefully
i use clearisil and it works great

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa h holy shit discusting bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh bleh bleh bleh
what's the name of the song?
ant that a kick in the head
are those mentos
this is sick
fuck take3 ashot gun!!!!!!!!!!1
it would be funny if his piense would be a pimple lol he would confuse the sperm
and acne hahahahahaha goosebumps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wtf lol
what happend at the end? did he pop his face or what? ?????

its a BOIL....they have medicine for that.
I remember when I got a pimple under my armpit. Hurt like a motherfucker. Until
I grabbed and twisted the thing until it exploded. It felt so good after that.
i had the same thing THIS CRAP HURTS LIKE HELL
idk but wtf why'd he smell it?? lmao
ah ouch it looks like that really hurts. how did you get it?
how does this even fucking happened?
wtf!! GROSS DUDE!!
u shuld get that shit checked out

LOL !!
is ja wie n siamesischer zwilling O_o
omfg i fucken puked
Buy a new camera, tell Jody to get another Zit and make another movie
wtf! why am i watching this!!
get a better camera
so thats were dolly partons boob went.
Kids say hello to your new baby! :)

i don't think that is a pimple looks like a boil
oh, im british and i'm a little cunt
fat ass soft cocks
Oh wow, this man is a big baby, I've seen kids with bigger "owies" act more like
men, for God's sake.
it's not done. if it still hurts that much then it's still full o' stuff!
hardee-har -har!!
doo-da-doo-da, camp town lady sings this song doo-da-doo-da  haa haa whats all that do de dar gr?? Looks like what the swedish chef would say (remember Jim Henson's Muppets?)
what are you talking about?

A Smattering of Short Poems

Monkey on Crack

i put my 16 inch up that monkeys ass
that y he is making those faces
that was so wrong
wish it was longer
i expected to see a monkey on crack
that was so gay
it' s funny
Oh man, this classic...

Funny Hamsters

padrig harontin hamster style
i love the part where the hamster were eating and
when one hamster was giving flowers lolz
I used to have hamster but they all die and they don't last long
The second to last pic was a guinea pig, from the old blockbuster commercials...:/
Cute otherwise
that was interesting.......i guess......
shreck sucks
I miss the Blockbuster Bunny and Guinea Pig :(

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I Have a Dream

I have a dream !
respect :D
from an asian don't know whats the real meaning of that speech!!! he wants EQUAL
treatment between black American and white American..
i was kidding what retard thinks that african americans came from kanada illegally
as immogrants that just retarded. i was makin fun of retarded racists who know shit :)
why are you al so rascist u shitheads i hate all u gay rascisct raggots im proud
ofbeing black alluwhite hatrs go back to ur fuckin gay hovels!
...wowfan199...what you saying makes no sense, you accusing white of racist
but you a homophobic...keep it real...hate is hate!
i got shivers from this speech...simply amazing

Monastery Mustard

if you have nothing nice to say, dont say it because it will hurt they're feelings
Awesome way to help serve others and for people to make a donation to a good cause.
Check your attitudes at the door and listen to what they were trying to do!
God loves all his children
Vol - God loves you too :)
I like atheist mustard just as much as relious mustard. That's cause mustard
is mustard. Same goes for people...unless some idiot starts to talk out loud about
their religion to me. Keep it to yourself please, but pass me the mustard. =)
You're right see you on the other side ---wait, I won't because you'll be burning in hell.
Sure you want to take that chance?
Before you start bashing a religion take a moment to learn about it.


nickelback always has dramatic videos
This song is so legendary!!
I want to make love to it!
The video is also so fucking awesome!!!
May absolut favorit song :D Nickelback are the greatest!
omfg, beautiful video, beautiful song, soo sad :(
Ok..The owner of WMG caa go fuck himself at night he's dumb!
WMG claimed enoguh shit, That's why WMG's YouTube profile is all
gone they only have hte friedns and subscribers and subscriptions and on videos
they used ot haave videos and no they don't thats hwy WMG is
claiming videos now!
eu amo ele
Linda a musica!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
luv it
i love dis song!!!!!!!!!!

Pus Cyst on Back Popped Squeezed Exploded

Please keep us updated on how he's doing. I hope it won't come back!
OMG WTF vomit. sooo disgusting.
WTF thatsa disgusting LOL
what is a cyst exactly?
thats his fat
Kind of looked like what an union ring looks inside.
I'm never eating union rings again.
Great video! Good job draining couldn't have done better
Spaghetti anyone?
nasty and fascinating!
Completely agree with u!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

ESPN College Football

I think: Today is bite-sized. no no no. You're bite-sized.
NO. Seriously.

1. I did Tae Bo in my living room today. My roommate watched me for a bit. The house across from ours had their curtain open a bit. I wondered if they were watching me too. Then I wondered if I had the opportunity to watch myself do Tae Bo if I would take it.

2. There's this kid sitting on the couch (he's itching his scalp right now.) I know him because he's an old friend of mine's little brother (bro) - but I don't think he knows me. His brother and him look pretty much the same, which always pissed off my friend because his brother is gay. My friend was a bit of a homophobe. Probably still is. I haven't seen him in years.

3. I think I pinched a nerve in my neck. Any headward rightwise movement hurts. I'm sitting exceptionally still right now. At least neck-up. My fingers are moving. My legs are crossed under the table.

4. But anyway, so this gay-brother of my friend is probably a really nice kid, but I've never liked him. I was reading an EMU publication once and recognized this kid's name. The publication had printed about five his poems, and was screaming "Oh my god. We love this guy." I thought that was neat, but thought his poetry was boring and stupid. Not stupid. Mostly boring.

5. I made chocolate covered strawberries for my roommates today. I dipped the strawberries in chocolate and rum, and then I dipped them again.

6. So, I thought to myself "hey, if this hack can get into this publication, I bet you anything my poetry could get into it." I submitted a few of my poems. Absolutely none of them got in.

7. My best friend's future husband's sister is sitting at the table in front of me. She's talking with people I don't know. She turned around earlier to tell me that I'm the most ridiculous person she's ever met. I wasn't sure how to respond because it's 5 pm, and I'm on my first cup of coffee. Not to sound like an addict, but I am.

8. Marshall told me it was probably better that I didn't get into the EMU publication. Means I'm more interesting or something. I like to agree with that, and think "oh, my poetry is just too new and controversial." But it's always hanging over my head that maybe my poetry is just boring and stupid.

9. That would mean that my post-friend's gay brother was right all along. He's still scratching his scalp, by the way.

10. Looks like he's working on a poem right now, too. I keep staring at him. I'm so sorry. You seem like a really decent guy - but this is all your fault.

11. As of yesterday, I want to perform stand-up comedy routine's in art galleries. But first I have to figure out stand-up comedy. Then I have to sell it to the curators like I'm doing something besides just stand-up comedy. Unless they're awesome. Then they won't care.

12. Shit. He just looked at me. Maybe he knows.

13. Have you ever wondered if anyone has ever written a whole blog entry about you?

14. This is thought 14.

15. This is thought 14.

16. This is thought 14.

17. My coffee wasn't very hot when I got it. Kinda like it that way.

18. I walked past the new-ish pizza place that nobody is going to (their fault. they're a very, very boring pizza place. or so it seems. i've never gone there.) This little girl was sitting on a barrier in the parking lot. She sat with her legs up like a spider and glared at me.

19. I wanted to buy a syringe from Meijer today. It was to pump up the strawberries with rum.

20. I couldn't find any, so I made a sales associate nervous in front of her manager, who then fielded the question of if they had any syringes.

21. Turns out they didn't have any. Instead I bought this huuuuge meat-marinade-inserter which, to make a boring story short, didn't work.

22. He asked me calmly if it was for medical use.

23. I told him no. It was for boozing strawberries.

24. It's interesting to me that I said "sales associate." I laid in bed the other morning thinking about how much that term pisses me off. Or more so that that term has to exist.

25. Call them your damn employees, or staff, and treat them well. Cut out the damn lip service of calling them "associates." fuck you meijer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


27. For the first string of exclmation points, I pressed the key each time - making staccato exclamation points. The second string, I just held the key down. You probably can't tell the difference, but if you can, feel free to let me know in the comment thread. BELOW.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Common Misconceptions About Things Which Don't Matter

And my mom's gonna kill me because I'm using deodorant with aluminuminnit

and there has to be a way of figuring this out

Hello this is the _________ this is ________ speaking.

Underline blank spacey things are pronounced like this:


and that is pronounced like static

Don't predictive text me, asshole, like you can ever guess what I'm gonna write next

I'm a renegade



in the beginning was the word was the word was the word was the word

and the word was with God God God God God God GodGodGodGodGodGod

and the word was _________________

and we're shaking as we're doing this

and the word was God

in the beigning was the word wasnd thword was god

In the beginning was the Word

the Word

the bird is the word

the word is the bird and the word was god and god made the birds with the wordy birdy bird bird

He was in the beginning with God

All things were made with him and without him nothing was made nothing was made nothing was made nothing mawasamdwhatodntongit was made

and my mom is gonna KILL me


and it has ALUMINUMinnit

I'm shaking

Oh my Word I'm shaking

Oh my God I'm shaking

(What an obvious connection)

(Did you notice how I said “oh my word” then I said “oh my God”)

(I did that to highlight the Bible passages I just quoted, because they talk about god and words and like how they're the same and stuff)

paragraph BREAK

nothing was made

nothing was made

that has been made

not even lemonade was made

and that's a promise but I'm scared of that promise

and I'm trembling in my boots

in him was lfie and the lfie was tehlight of men.

Because that's something that makes sense. Get it?

Nothing was made til the light of men was lifed.

Til was the men of nothing light was lifed made.

the ligh of men.


and if you life fish and grits and all that pimp shit

everybody let me hear you say Oh yay-er


Where my ladies at?


Where my ladies at?


Throw yo hands up

Throw yo hands up

Throw yo hands up


Common Misconceptions About Things Which Don't Matter

  1. Lightbulbs – come on down!

  2. Thinking things about stuff

  3. Dishwasher Detergent – Try a free sample, today!

  4. Very large rodents and their mannerisms

  5. The Female Sex: Where Do They Keep It?

  6. Just how angry are you?

  7. Airborne diseases

  8. _____________________________________


The light shines in the darkness

and the darkness has not overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it overcome it

but when it does

we be all like _______________________

Damn predictive text predicting my shit. It can predict the word “predict” now. My words are making themselves. I'm just the great typer and you can go make yourself and stuff and I'll just sit back and push things


but if the darkness over comes it...we'll be here.

we're walking pooping artifacts that this is as real as it gets