Saturday, May 17, 2008

I Love Me

I just ate the most friggin delicious coffeecake in the whole world. How does a cake that good even exist?
Well I guess it doesn't anymore. All gone. So sad.

I didn't get much sleep last night, at least not enough to work an 8-hour shift today. But before you go sob for my sorry-little-tired-hiney (Yellow Polka Dot Bikini!), let's look at the facts:

HAND-SLAMMING FACT: I had four hours of sleep last night.

TRUTH: My job at the coffee shop currently consists of sitting around, and stalking people on Facebook for 8 hours, ooh and drinking lots of tea.

HAM-SLAMMING TRUTHFACT: This isn't so bad!

Except I'm not sure I know what's real anymore. These two people are here right now, and I think I accidentally forced the guy to pay for both of them, though I'm pretty certain that they meant to pay separate. Ha, now they're on a date. And keep looking at me awkwardly, like I'm some creepy, dilapidated vulture...not so far from the truth!


I'm so depressed that coffeecake is gone!

Alright, I'll just make a Top 10 list and get out of here.

10. Left-Hand pinky
9. Left-hand pointer
8. Right-hand ring-finger
7. Right-hand pinky
6. Left-hand middle finger
5. Right-hand thumb
4. Left-hand thumb
3. Left-hand ring finger
2. Right-hand middle finger
1. Right-hand pointer

CONGRATULATIONS RIGHT-HAND POINTER! You've done your accusatory work so well over the past 20 years, that you came in at Number One! Keep up the good work, Pointer!

For all my fingers that didn't make the Top Ten List this year, keep trying! If you can dream it, you can do it!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Joy of Humans

I've always had an easier time expressing cynicism towards humans, and telling them that they're generally pretty stupid. This is the main reason why I believed for awhile that I was Mark Twain in a past life, but obviously this was thrown out since he's not British. Obviously, I was a British subject in a past life, and quite possibly, a rock star.

Recently, I was told I look like Keith Richards. British Rock Star. Ugly git. I told the two men that told me that they were assholes and should go away. They giggled to themselves, and tried to further explain their reasoning (something about my hair-piece), but I got away too quickly to be healed from their slanderous remarks.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I'm not Mark Twain. I know this since deep down I've always had such an incredible affection for humans and their quirks, mannerisms, and plights. It just hurts a bit too much to show love sometimes. I am a rock, I am an island.
My Grandma died this past Saturday. I loved her dearly. She was one of my favorite people, and a great friend of mine. She was the kind of human that I just really, really liked. I get so sad when I think about how she won't be around anymore, won't invite me over to dinner, won't be around to make us Pineapple Coffeecake and her Jello salad. She won't be poking things with her cane, or making snarky comments about circumcision. I won't be able to do crossword puzzles with her anymore, or watch Jeopardy with her.
This makes me very sad.
And it's all the little stuff like this that makes me sad. All the little, silly things that she has done for me and my family that I love and treasure about her.
In a frenzied search for meaning, I find myself trying to only look at self-designated profundities, none of which hold any more meaning than the memory of my Grandma making mint tea.

That's what makes me think Humans are just so neat. We scurry around at break-neck speeds, panic at our follies, and despair at our lack of progress. We get so worried about things. But then we're able to slow down enough to notice that we're really, really stinkin' cute. The ways that we entertain ourselves, joking around together, and trying so hard to stamp the universe with our precious authenticities, are so much more important than the over-arching meaning we seem to be on a constant quest for.

I think God has been trying to show me how he sees people. And if it is God showing me these glimpses of His Heart, then it's pretty unexpected.
First, I was driving to work. I was almost to Golfside, thinking about nothing particularly important. Then my mind wandered to gesticulation, and thinking about how people speak with their hands. Sometimes their hands just get so wild, traveling around their bodies, slicing air with the blades of their fingers, in such a desperate attempt to communicate. My heart filled with love for humans. How cool is that. Gesticulation. Golly.

The second was just today. I was Stumbling through the Great Internet, and watched a music video the Navy made for the song "Hey Ya." I started crying halfway through it. It was just so beautiful to see all these people happily goofing around together, and enjoying themselves. How magical is it that they cared enough about doing something funny, so that bored people like me can have a good laugh? To me, it was just so tender that people care enough about each other to make each other laugh.

I guess it never occurred to me the altruism in humor. We've all seen someone fillet themselves to get a laugh out of someone else, simply because they want them to be happy, and people are just so beautiful when they're smiling. I love to make people laugh, and sometimes succeed. I never knew why I liked doing it so much, and why I love laughing so much. Sometimes I get the overwhelming desire to be selfish with my jokes so that people will appreciate them more when I pull them out. More so, maybe people will finally put out with their jokes, because I sure as hell get lonely when I'm the only one horsing around. But I don't like that. I don't like when humor dovetails into bitterness. We're meant to be bringers of joy to the people around us, and humor isn't a bad way to start.

Well, those are my thoughts for the day. Here's the video of the Navy for you guys. I understand that it may not be as profound as I made it out to be, or maybe it is. You'll have to let me know: