Wednesday, August 5, 2009

ESPN College Football

I think: Today is bite-sized. no no no. You're bite-sized.
NO. Seriously.

1. I did Tae Bo in my living room today. My roommate watched me for a bit. The house across from ours had their curtain open a bit. I wondered if they were watching me too. Then I wondered if I had the opportunity to watch myself do Tae Bo if I would take it.

2. There's this kid sitting on the couch (he's itching his scalp right now.) I know him because he's an old friend of mine's little brother (bro) - but I don't think he knows me. His brother and him look pretty much the same, which always pissed off my friend because his brother is gay. My friend was a bit of a homophobe. Probably still is. I haven't seen him in years.

3. I think I pinched a nerve in my neck. Any headward rightwise movement hurts. I'm sitting exceptionally still right now. At least neck-up. My fingers are moving. My legs are crossed under the table.

4. But anyway, so this gay-brother of my friend is probably a really nice kid, but I've never liked him. I was reading an EMU publication once and recognized this kid's name. The publication had printed about five his poems, and was screaming "Oh my god. We love this guy." I thought that was neat, but thought his poetry was boring and stupid. Not stupid. Mostly boring.

5. I made chocolate covered strawberries for my roommates today. I dipped the strawberries in chocolate and rum, and then I dipped them again.

6. So, I thought to myself "hey, if this hack can get into this publication, I bet you anything my poetry could get into it." I submitted a few of my poems. Absolutely none of them got in.

7. My best friend's future husband's sister is sitting at the table in front of me. She's talking with people I don't know. She turned around earlier to tell me that I'm the most ridiculous person she's ever met. I wasn't sure how to respond because it's 5 pm, and I'm on my first cup of coffee. Not to sound like an addict, but I am.

8. Marshall told me it was probably better that I didn't get into the EMU publication. Means I'm more interesting or something. I like to agree with that, and think "oh, my poetry is just too new and controversial." But it's always hanging over my head that maybe my poetry is just boring and stupid.

9. That would mean that my post-friend's gay brother was right all along. He's still scratching his scalp, by the way.

10. Looks like he's working on a poem right now, too. I keep staring at him. I'm so sorry. You seem like a really decent guy - but this is all your fault.

11. As of yesterday, I want to perform stand-up comedy routine's in art galleries. But first I have to figure out stand-up comedy. Then I have to sell it to the curators like I'm doing something besides just stand-up comedy. Unless they're awesome. Then they won't care.

12. Shit. He just looked at me. Maybe he knows.

13. Have you ever wondered if anyone has ever written a whole blog entry about you?

14. This is thought 14.

15. This is thought 14.

16. This is thought 14.

17. My coffee wasn't very hot when I got it. Kinda like it that way.

18. I walked past the new-ish pizza place that nobody is going to (their fault. they're a very, very boring pizza place. or so it seems. i've never gone there.) This little girl was sitting on a barrier in the parking lot. She sat with her legs up like a spider and glared at me.

19. I wanted to buy a syringe from Meijer today. It was to pump up the strawberries with rum.

20. I couldn't find any, so I made a sales associate nervous in front of her manager, who then fielded the question of if they had any syringes.

21. Turns out they didn't have any. Instead I bought this huuuuge meat-marinade-inserter which, to make a boring story short, didn't work.

22. He asked me calmly if it was for medical use.

23. I told him no. It was for boozing strawberries.

24. It's interesting to me that I said "sales associate." I laid in bed the other morning thinking about how much that term pisses me off. Or more so that that term has to exist.

25. Call them your damn employees, or staff, and treat them well. Cut out the damn lip service of calling them "associates." fuck you meijer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


27. For the first string of exclmation points, I pressed the key each time - making staccato exclamation points. The second string, I just held the key down. You probably can't tell the difference, but if you can, feel free to let me know in the comment thread. BELOW.

1 comment:

Iain said...

I couldn't tell the difference.

Feel a little bad that some poor unsuspecting person in my head now has the title "itchy gay dude".

I'd rather be known as "itchy" than "gay", but this is only because I am "itchy" but supposedly not "gay".