everythings guns

everythings guns
sticks are guns
knives
little tiny balloons
bread pudding is guns
dropping ice from a scoop into a cup is guns
everythings guns

the world is full of guns
bang bang
life is made of guns
tiny little guns
big fat guns
many many guns
big poppa guns
lady guns
itty bitty baby guns


a banana can be guns
a shoe
a fork
a laptop
a cellphone
a favorite gun is a piece of bread
anything is guns
everythings guns

pick up an item and give it a try:
pow pow pow
ptew ptew ptew
pop pop pop
so many guns
so.... so many
guns is all around us

i use my finger as a gun sometimes
thats a classic
flowers make a good one
a huge package of provolone cheese makes a good bazooka
a broomstick is a good choice too

there are some guns that are real guns
they are also guns
every living breathing thing is a guns

guns is what makes us breathe
guns is what makes us not breathe
here's a list of things which cannot be guns:
nothing.
everythings guns

Walking Poems: Poems Which Are Written While Walking

It's been a bit since I've posted some of my own stuff, though, super promise, I've been more poetically active now than I ever have been in my whole life. My whole life hasn't been that long though...by the way.

I've been busy with the The Sexy Poets Society readings and blogs, and have been writing a lot of stuff for that. But I decided I might as well post some shit up for the feeling of permanence and completion. And because, well, I think they're neat.

Since most of my poems that I've come to really love have been formed as I've been walking (which is interesting as well, since I can't really write and walk at the same time - have tried. so "forming" them as I walk is a little more accurate, in case you're the kind of douche-bag who really cares about that. end parenthetical statement now.) around town, or up to the university, or to the coffee shop, or to work, or to take a piss on the street outside my house, I've come to cherish them more, and enjoyed looking at the poems as artifacts of my day to day interactions. I can look back at them and remember whatever instance I was referring to in the poem, which more often than not is a rather small and insignificant instance.

Here's two recent walking poems that I read at the last SPS reading (I actually read four, but I only feel like typing up two), posted here for your reading and giggling pleasure. I like these two because the first selection is SUCH a walking poem, like it's screaming "DUH I'M OUT FOR A MOTHAFUCKIN' STROLL", and the second one doesn't seem to reveal it's creation platform whatsoever.

Walking Poem #1
It's winter, but it's not really winter
I think
looking at the brown grass poking above the thin snow
at Riverside
but what I'm really thinking about is how
the grass looks like my legs this time of year
which only happens in winter
because I'm ashamed or something
I tiptoe down the ice and think of
something cool to say
The tryptych on the tips of their lips
crisply whispers a cryptic kiss
but I'm really thinking about
the old man coming out of the
old city hall carrying a wicker
basket
I'd like to say he's hobbling on the cobblestones
but really he's walking
Cool picnic basket, bro. I think, literally.
I stop walking on the bridge
and pull out my notebook to write this down
And that's where we're at now.

While writing this I received
2 phone calls:
1 from my mom which I ignored
1 from Brett Cimbalik which went straight to voicemail
for some reason
but I called him back
and then finished writing this poem

Walking Poem #2: Written on Sticky Notes Which is a Bad Idea
Do you really think you can
hold me accountable when
I don't know what the
I don't know what the
I don't know what the
I don't know what the
I don't know what the
FUCK I'm doing?
this android lieutenant
would like to be briefed on our mission, sir.
Mostly classified, lieutenant.
But sir, my lack of knowledge may compromise the mission!
I said MOSTLY classified lieutenant. Have a seat.
How familiar are you with the star system
Clapametheus?
Why, only in legend, bedtime stories, sir.
Well all I can tell you is that this ship
will be landing on the mother planet, Grugathon,
in the star system Clapametheus in 2 nanolightseconds.
Egads! Pardon me, but that sounds out right fantastical!
Fantastic doesn't even cut it, Lieutenant.
We'll be seeing sights that would stop the hearts
of most 4, 6 & 8 chambered beings.
Sights that android, para-android,
mammal & Flagrant Beasties
can't even imagine. But more
than the glittering fields or the purple skylines
or segmented crystal waterfalls -
in the star system Clapametheus lies our
last hope.
It's the last frontier, Lieutenant. (sigh)
In Clapametheus, the children of Abraham make
their final resting place. Oh, but
unfortunately 2 nanolightseconds is long since over
and I'll have to power you off for the descent,
Lieutenant.
But, but, power me off?
When will I be turned on again?
I too must see Clapametheus!
Sometime, Lieutenant, sometime.

And all became black.
I'm lost and unsure who this
disembodied voice narrating is.
Am I alive still?
Will I ever open my metal eyes and input the last hope?
Will I ever walk the shores of Clapametheus?
I am the loneliest android.

Thoughts during "On A Highway" by Animal Collective

4 minutes and 36 second will have gone by by the time this is finished.
First the oceand little bumps skirt around with no idea for life and the circumstances that are not really all that forboding when you think about it right..heyyy anyone want a pencil?
You are the scariest little piece of hometown magic I've ever touched.
Copenhagen? Nah, I seriously doubt it.
How did they find you? Did they see you on the mountain when you were flagging down what was left of the country? Flying by inside a periscope?
Sometimes sentences are too long.
Some sentences are too short.
Most sentences are manifested in some way.
Thats a relatively safe assertion.

Silence for a little while. Maybe because I'm really excited about what the song is doing right now and lots of little voices tittling around for awhile. Jumbling around and I wonder if I should fix typos.
Not because they're such a linguistic fascination, but because I feel its sort of insincere to the exercise.
God I wish i was in a different country now. I wish I was in a small village and I had a garden.
I would sell vegetables from this garden on the side of the road.
And I would make scarves. I would make scarves from the wool from the sheeps from the neighbors that live a mile down the road from me and my garden.
And maybe my husband could work in the town, or maybe he could work at home. But we could go on walks in the dark at night and splash in the river.

And now, a word from our sponsors:

It's official: The UK loves Shapes most of all. I get at least 200 hits a day from people googling Shapes from the UK.

I don't deserve to be awake right now. I'm tired, I drank a lot, my tummy wants food, and I can't sleep.
But all I have is cheesecake right now.
It's like I keep accidentally spoiling myself rotten, and I'm not particularly pleased with it, but if it were any other way I'd feel like I was missing out.

Is this what being in your 20s is all about?

A little snippet of Kenneth 'cause this is my mood right now:


from "To My Twenties"
Kenneth do you have a minute?
And I say yes! I am in my twenties!
I have plenty of time! In you I marry,
In you I first go to France; I make my best friends
In you, and a few enemies. I
Write a lot and am living all the time
And thinking about living. I loved to frequent you
After my teens and before my thirties.
You three together in a bar
I always preferred you because you were midmost
Most lustrous apparently strongest
Although now that I look back on you
What part have you played?

My roommate just said "Congratuacheesecake." I suppose I deserve that.

After my roommate said that, and I typed that, I started watching light reflecting off of my hair in the glare of my laptop.
I don't like looking at exclamation points when I'm tired and hungover.
Such as like, this pains me:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is what I say when I see that:
"OMG STOP JUMPING ON THAT DAMN TRAMPOLINE AND SCREAMING ABOUT SEX YOU DAMN KIDS."
but really? There's no trampoline - there's just lines and dots, okay? Lines and dots. Chew that one up and digest it. MFin' lines and dots.

Maybe I need to start knowing more intrepid young adventurers.

To fill you in on what just happened: I wrote the above sentence, looked at it disgruntled, and then wandered into the kitchen and ate a leftover half-piece of cheesecake. Matt and I know what we're doing with that cheesecake. Congratuacheesecake, everyone.
So I ate that, then I watched this girl wandering around outside of our neighboring apartment builiding. The building is about 20 feet away from our kitchen window so too many private experiences are shared. But she was wandering around with her white comforter over her head and obviously unsure of what she should be doing with it. Get your shit together, I said to her through the window. What are you doing with it? You're wandering back and forth. You're a mess, and EVERYONE is watching you. Everybody knows that you're just wandering around with a fluffy comforter over your head, probably hung-0ver. I wasn't sure if she was going to go picnic and lie down on it,or if she was throwing it in the dumpster. Eventually she flung it over what's left of an old laundry line, clumsily and sadly. Then she kept peeking under it, maybe to check for tiny monsters.
Gretchen: "Oh! she must be German."
Theresa: "Because she needs to figure her shit out?"
Gretchen: "No, Germans air out their comforters a lot."
See, I guess that makes sense.
I'm just crotchety and over-stimulated. If I can't handle someone airing out their comforter, I don't think I could handle intrepid young adventurers. At least not yet.

Queueueueueueueueueueueueueue - interesting point, eh?

Janet, who I'm talking with over the World Wide Web, just said this:
mmmm No, but I don't live with any Brits so our food is generally "international". Do steer clear of the Kipper though. Beware the Kipper! Oh it is soo not worth it. gag.

I believe she might be right.

It's amazing how many things I can do within one blog post:
-Berate neighbors
-Eat cheesecake
-Bitch about exclamation points
-Bitch about British cuisine
-Talk to a friend in another country
-Talk to two roommates
-Take headache medicine
-Half-heartedly wash a few dishes
-Read Kenneth Koch
-Feel hungry


Well I'd say this about wraps up this episode of "The Ornery Ponderings of HangOverVille: Theresa Blogs Instead of Sleeps." I've had a wonderful time, and I hope you have too. See you next week!

Preliminary Reports Suggest Results to be Lamer Than Facebook Projected

It's not that I don't think about my poems, its just that I'll lose my nerve if I don't have a five minute turn around from inspiration to creation. The difference between thinking and thinking hard is propaganda. NAZI propaganda - the only kind there is.



Well I don't know about you but I'd rather end this conversation midsentence. before I make any tumbling errors in brevity or start talking about nature or some shit like a big faker whose words don't flow as quick as they could so instead they
stop and quiver before writing their words and shake out a few more syllables from their pen and hope that no one has noticed
what A BIG FAKER they are but it's ok.
It's hard to put this stuff together sometimes so relax. baby there are other scraps
to chew on and more morsels to remember at just the right moment before you finally drop your hands
and lean in for the most memorable kiss of your life.
Trust me. We'll remind you. about it.
Couldn't forget if we tried like a bunch of assholes sitting around waiting for the biggest chili cook-off ever to get going. No No Stevenson, the hot chilis go over there. God what an asshole.
Maybe we should just go sneak off for a quick cuddle.



The fall is so lovely this time of year.
I got a 10$ traffic ticket from the city of Ypsilanti. I wrote 1/3 of a poem on the envelope they gave me. Should I mail it in that way? It's like fighting the man, but in a really lame way.

Here's a list of things that I'm not doing right now:
-Sitting inside of an infrared sauna
-Listening to Kurt Cobain talk
-Pretending I'm from the Middle Ages
-Eating noodles
-Licking a dictionary
-Wearing an orange bandanna
-Fighting big time crime in a little city
-Writing a poem on the back of a parking ticket
-Sweating

Can you guess what I'm doing right now??

Remembering to Make Out and Other Stories

Meh. It's been awhile. I haven't felt like writing poetry (or shitting it out, or whatever I do). All I feel like doing is reading about nature and farming and how to stop buying things.
Which is pretty rad I guess.
Bad for blogging.
Right now I'm sitting at work, with a dirty plate next to me that used to have homemade pizza on it (my mommy made it) and also a water bottle which I'd say is only 1/8th full of water right now.

Between what I just wrote and writing this, I finished my water, turned down the music (it got randomly loud and I can't stand that), then talked with Ian about why my blog keeps getting so many hits. But just about shapes, and I only get tons of hits in random spurts from particular countrys (currently, it's the UK who is interested in shapes.)
Turns out, though, I am the first Google image result if you search "Shapes". I'm pretty proud of myself.

Here is a little ditty I just came up with:

Spiders spider Why do you spider Are you a spider? Magic potion, evil lotion crazy finessing carpal tunnel don't forget the pudding package.



Here's a bunch of written noises you can say outside to yourself - but only if you'd like.

SCHHHHHHHHH
PLONK (a personal favorite)
SPPPONNNNNNGGGG
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRLLLLLL
KRRRR
OPRRRRR
TAJATAJATAJATAJATAJA
BLOOPBOOP
GORPY GORPYGORPYGORRRR
PANDA

Interestingly enough that last noise is also a word. That word looks like this: Panda.

Here's a picture of a Panda:

Most, but not all, pandas are black and white.

Are pandas are a part of your life? Try to take some time out of your day, every day, for pandas. It's easy if you can make it into a routine! One easy way to remember to think of pandas is every time you go to the bathroom, sit there quietly, and ponder pandas and their mysteries. That way you can do what you need to do, and incorporate pandas. Soon enough you and pandas will be closer than you have ever imagined you could be!

Worked for me.

I'm intrigued by the idea of another piece of pizza.

(thanks one way or another

A sentence enclosed by only an opening parentheses denotes a secret which was not kept.

Babel poetry has really been doing it for me lately. Check out Marshall's blog for more info on his invention.

The following poem doesn't strictly adhere to the tenants of Babel poetry originally laid down by its founder, but like I said, its been almost three years. Also, way to go Google Translator - I had to switch to Yahoo! Babel Fish because Google Translator was too good and wasn't providing enough hilarity. Thanks Yahoo for still suckin'.


(thanks one way or another

Be visible with realness, with realness good ironical this accurately, all ppl where there is a result which is identical

Appear real, really good ironic this it is precisely

Your watching genuine area, genuine area good

You look truly, good satirizes this is correctly truly
YOU look at the effective good, truly ironic
Too badly pulls it, I didn' t knows that! Your eye constitution is very pretty!

It is thick the mark badly pulls it, I didn' t intellectual road that! Your Mark the eye eyeball constructs forming right very pretty mark!

Leaving medical raw harmony
Possession side effect right homology. Your Righteousness is true.
This Resident in one direction right one type elephant acutane.
Your eye make-up is pure beautiful!
I purely helped me.
I purely is escape yet respectively, means that work will break you as ever with, a but on the front of opposition, purely there is different his thing!

your oogmake-up is so pretty!

I scrutinize for 3 cycles
All side effects are the same. You are correct.
That which writes in the knob where he [sopreden] persona it is important:

Drinks permits juicily!! The hydration is the main key!!
Drinks permits Multi waters!! Right principal key spoon for water joint work!!
PARTS OF DRINKS OF WATER!! The hydration is the main key!!
Part!! of scandal beverage Receiving is an important key!!
Part!! the beverage of scandal to obtain important key!!
MANY THE DRINKS WATER! ! The hydratie is the most important key!

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thanks in any event
regardless of how the impression, thanks
in any event thanks
thanks anyway
(thanks one way or another
in any case the thanks